Breaking Sad: Porn Star Bruno Knight Fails At Butt-Smuggling Meth
You would think a vers top like Bruno Knight would make a good smuggler because he certainly knows how to pack his shit — just look how well he packed Ben Brown’s shit and how well Thierry Lamasse packed his fudge in return.
But alas! Knight got fingered (tee-hee) by an L.A. airport. Drug Enforcement Agency official this last month for smuggling a half pound of crystal meth in his buh-ho. Apparently shoving large dicks into butts doesn’t prepare one for essentially doing the same thing in the black market.
According to Str8 Up Gay Porn, on June 16, 2014 the DEA warned LAX Customs and Border Protection officials that Knight might try to smuggle some drugs onto his Virgin Atlantic flight to London. Apparently, when the officers approached Knight, he looked sweaty and nervous and told them that he had done meth, weed, coke and GHB during L.A. Pride weekend. He also mentioned that he was a porn star.
Okay, so far so good… though he might have wanted to leave out telling cops that he’s done literally every drug in the universe. They then took him to an inspection area, searched his backpack and found nothing — phew! But then they noticed Knight sweating and acting even more erratically. And after a while, he admitted to the officers that he had stuck “three large objects” containing meth into his ass.
Before we continue, let us take a brief moment to remember another great porn star-slash-alleged butt smuggler — Zane from Chaos Men”. As you may recall, retired porn slut Mason Wyler said that during a hook-up with Zane, Zane would:
“lock himself in the bathroom for hours at a time to shit out the drugs and snort them… Or he had really bad allergies that left behind a white, powdery, crystal-like residue all over my bathroom counter and that were only triggered during really long dumps. You decide.”
That’s brilliant. Anyhow, the best part of Knight’s drug mule adventure is yet to come (and by “best” we mean “worst”)…
Maybe Knight was like Scarlett Johansson in the film Lucy and his drug containers began to leak or something, because before too long Knight got super nervous and twitchy and literally shit his pants. No, really. According to the official arrest report: “[Knight] expelled two large round objects from his anus into his pants.” Into his motherfucking pants!!!
Knight is a certainly a credit to vers porn star tops, but he’s surely an embarrassment to drug smugglers. Experienced drug mules are supposed to stay cool around the cops, use leak-proof drug containers and never shit evidence into their pants. Knight failed at all three of these — we’re sure the drug smugglers’ union is voting him out right now, poor guy!
The officers eventually took pity on Ol’ Sharty Pants and sent him and his exploding b-hole to the local hospital where 30-minutes of intense enema action helped him sploot out the final meth container like it was one of Voldemort’s horcruxes. The hospital then scanned his butt-cave for extra treasures, and — finding that his vending machine was all empty — took him to clink where he presumably awaits charges.
To top it all off, Knight’s poor partner — who works as a Virgin flight attendant — could conceivably get canned for having a butt-smuggling boyfriend. So sad!
Meth use is reportedly decreasing amongst gay men. But even so, meth addictions still bother many gay, bisexual and HIV-positive men including porn stars like RJ Danvers and Michael Brandon.
We hope Knight gets himself some good rehab and legal counsel because this never really should have happened. Especially considering how well he packed the beautifully hairy ass of Jason Michaels and the tight twink hole of Braxton Bond. Just goes to show that even if you know how to use your ass, you still gotta use your head.
